Havin Hope

We are finally home, again. We had the graveside service yesterday afternoon. Jake did a great job planning it. I really wanted it to be short and simple, but I am glad that he took the time to plan a meaningful farewell to our baby. Thanks to all who came, expecially the guys that traveled far inorder to perform the service.

So now Jake is at work and Jonah is having his rest time and I am suppose to be resting as well. And I’m wondering, now what? Jake has suggested moving to a small island, possibly off the coast of New Zealand, where I can teach English and he can be a beach bum who writes sad songs and poetry. I’m thinking maybe we could just take a family vacation- to getaway and remind ourselves that we can still have fun, but to also celebrate the family that we DO have. I didn’t have to come home with empty arms to an empty house, but instead to an energetic five year old who thinks he is a power ranger. I’m thankful for that (well, maybe not for the power ranger part…).

The question is, where should be go? I think planning a vacation would be good for me right now when I’m suppose to be taking it easy but of course, Jake and I can’t agree on where to go. I suggested Disney World and he votes for the Grand Canyon. We agreed that we need to compromise, something less tourist driven than DW but more relaxing than the GC. Suggestions?

A couple updates about the directions:

1. The name of the road that the cemetery is on is Sweet Gum.
2. Oak Mound Lane is marked as such on both the east and west ends. On the west end, there’s also a big sign for Oak Mound Church.
3. The name of the north/south road on the west side of Oak Mound Lane is Xenia-Iola Rd. If you have to stop at a random house and ask somebody for directions, though, (good luck w/ the cell phone coverage), you’ll want to refer to it as the “Xenia-Iola Blacktop”.
4. If you’re coming from the east, be careful in the woodsy part (the Lost 40)–they had some bad flooding several weeks ago and it damaged the road, so there’s some serious potholes.

Hope that helps. Again, if you can’t make it, don’t feel obligated at all–we’ve really appreciated everybody’s comments, emails and phone calls. Thanks so much.

Hopefully, this’ll work (this is Jake posting again).

Here’s a link to a google map of location of the cemetary where we’re holding the funeral. Please don’t feel obligated, if you can’t make it. It’s just a lot easier to post directions here than to explain a million times. You’ll see why in a second.

If you click on ‘Oak Mound Cemetary’ (cemetAry? cemetEry? how do you spell that?), one of the options it gives you is ‘driving directions to here’. Click on that, and put in your address or hometown.

Decatur folks, it should take you down 121 a short ways and then through Shelbyville and Cowden.

And to really shake things up, here’s the same map, in this very web page (if this works, I’ll be stunned):

[googlemaps http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&ll=39.260725,-88.78031&spn=23.875,57.630033&msid=108272992216457095491.00044989090f39e2cd223&output=embed&s=AARTsJrG4ycIXK91sv_-RL4s3nF09ua_kw&w=425&h=350]

To clarify, it’s just off Oak Mound Lane, outside Xenia, IL. If none of the above work for you, do a search for “Oak Mound Lane, Xenia IL.” The road marked 500N is Oak Mound Lane. The graveyard is just south on the road marked CR-400E. If you come on Oak Mound Lane from the east (south from Effingham on 45, to Hwy 50), it’ll be the 2nd intersection after you turn onto 50. If you come from the west, it’s the first left after the big S curve.

They finally paved it all, so you don’t have to worry about that.

We were released from the hospital today. My blood levels were normal and I’m fever free which means that the infection did not settle into my body. We are glad to be home although I’m not sure if I’m ready for “life” yet.

It was very sweet to come home and find our bedroom cleaner than it has ever been (I didn’t know that Jake had a dresser top), dinner in the fridge, all maturinty and baby stuff stashed away, and an awesome basket full of pamper-me-products (I’m wearing my cute pj’s as I type). Thanks Brooke and Sarah, everything you did was wonderful and just what we needed!

Jonah has been with my parents the last few days. I don’t think he knows exactly what is going on. We are not very excited about telling him but think he will handle it fine. I don’t think she was very real to him yet and probably lacks an emotional attachment. We will tell him in the morning when he returns from my parents. Will he ask lots of questions or tell us all about the movies he watched at Ninny and Papa’s?

We named our dear sweet baby in heaven Norah Rose. She was 1 lb 13 oz and 10 inches long.

I think Jake mentioned that we are having a short gravesite service at Oak Mound
Cemetary in Flora, IL at (we think) 3pm on Sunday. Frank and Bright Funeral home have been so sweet, they provide everything for FREE because they feel that no one should have to go through this (we agree).

We are holding up okay today. Your comments have helped A LOT!

This is Jake posting–Jenn’s sleeping.

First of all I wanted to thank everybody for your comments–that really means a lot to us.

Second, this is the details post, so if you’re not up for that, here’s the quick summary:

Jenn and I are doing just fine physically, but are both really tired/hungry. We’re tentatively planning a funeral for the baby in Flora late Sunday afternoon.

Ok, so on to the whole story.

Late afternoon yesterday, Jenn started getting some cramping and some light contractions. A few minutes later (coincidentally), the doctor came in to give her medicine to induce labor.

We sat around waiting for something to happen for a long time. Jenn got an epidural, but no mind-altering drugs. One good thing about all this: it confirmed for Jenn that she made the right decision with Jonah not to have an epidural–she hated not being able to feel or move her legs.

About 3:00 in the morning, things really started. She had about a half an hour of craziness, strong contractions–15 minutes of it was pushing. And then the baby came–stillborn.

I held her and cried for a while. Then we let them take her away and I fell asleep. Jenn says they slowly got her ready to move, and eventually moved her over to a post-partum room.

She’s doing just fine physically, but is way too tired to much more than really confused and sort of sad emotionally. I imagine it’ll be different once she gets caught up on sleep.

They’re planning on releasing her late this afternoon–she’s got to get some rest and one more round of antibiotics first.

We’re planning a funeral, probably Sunday afternoon, so people can get there if they want (no pressure), in Flora, IL.

I don’t know about visitors–I don’t know if we’re really up for that today. Maybe later at home–I dunno. When we have official details, we’ll post back.

Thanks for your support, everybody–it really means a lot.

So I have an infection that is setting in on both me and the baby. They are taking her tonight in order to hopefully save my uterus from having lasting damage, which could happen even if we waited until the morning.

I have asked to be knocked out as much as possible, so I will be out of it for awhile.

Pray that we can get through this. Also, we will post sometime when we will be having a graveside for our little girl that will soon be in heaven.

Early this morning (5:00 am!), my water broke completely.

We headed to the hospital. They did tests and things and decided to send me to Carle Clinic in Champaign.

Here, they’re going to run some tests and whatnot, and will hold me till either things go bad or the baby’s delivered.

We saw the nurse practioner…she said 70% of people go into labor within a week of their water breaking. And that right now is a critical time for the baby’s lung development, something the fluid really helps with.

If the baby’s born right now, or w/in a week, it probably won’t make it. Even just a little later and it might make it but have substantial handicaps (blindness, severe mental retardation, etc).

Or if we went past 30 weeks, the baby might not be born with fully developed lungs. You can imagine how much of a problem that would be.

We’re hanging in there, but are pretty sad. Right now, they’re running tesst to make sure I don’t have any infections.

It’s scary and probably bad news, but we’re trying to hold out and be positive.

Keep praying!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a perinatalist at Carle Clinic. I guess that means he’s a specialist in both fetal and maternal medicine. We are very thankful to get in to see him so quickly and are just tryig to take it one day at a time. Tonight I’m thinking, if I can just make it to this appointment…

In the mean time Jonah will be playing at different friends’ houses and Jake has been taking care of scheduling that as well as everything else! Its been hard on all of us already and its only been two days. But we are hopeful about our appointment tomorrow, maybe he’ll be able to give us an idea of what to expect.

You know how you wake up from a bad dream and realize it was just a dream? And you are SO glad that you don’t have to face the consequences of stealing a car or being lost in a dark field alone(mine usually don’t get much crazier than that).

Today I woke up and thought for just a second that what happened yesterday was just a bad dream. But soon realized that my nightmare was in fact real. I really am leaking amniotic fluid at only 21 weeks pregnant. This is very scary because if I lose too much they will have to take the baby whose chances of survival are VERY slim at this point.

Please pray for us! The best thing that could happen is for the hole in my placenta to heal its self, which means that I likely could carry her to term. If that doesn’t happen then the next best thing would be for enough fluid to be contained (yesterday there was plenty) for her to be able to develop for at least 3 more weeks, 7 more would be much better!

I will try to post regularly on this blog baby updates, but still feel like you can call and e-mail. I’m on complete bedrest and can use the “company”.